Life, by Caroline

Today is the day I get to talk about how I don’t have cancer.

Let me repeat. I don’t have cancer. I saw the oncologist this morning and he said he is pretty sure I don’t need to see him for another few months. That is a good thing, he said. I am not sure I agree, because I basically love this doctor. He is so sweet and lovely and even though he left me waiting in a tiny exam room for an hour and a half, I still want him to be my everyday doctor. If anyone was going to tell me I have cancer, I would want it to be him. He is the best.

So, I don’t have cancer. Which means… we still don’t know what I have. But more weirdness came out of the appointment. Basically conflicting things… Like, I have an iron deficiency (totally unrelated and, btw, 15% of Americans have an iron deficiency. Most of them are women. Take your vitamins, kids!) But, usually with that iron deficiency, I would have very low bone marrow numbers. Mine are through the freaking roof. Like, I am producing 3 times as many bone marrow cells as a normal adult. THREE TIMES! No wonder I am so freaking exhausted constantly.

On to a new specialist. But, I am feeling closer. Like, really, amazingly closer to this being real and over and known. I don’t know if the known is going to be curable or treatable or whatever, but it has to be better than not knowing!

My amazing doctor referred me to the new specialist and when he handed me her card, he was like… I think she will figure this out. It isn’t like her specialty is rocket science. It made me laugh a lot, which is frankly something I rarely do at the doctors I visit.

These past few weeks have been harder than anything I have to deal with, not just because of my health. I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am optimistic.